三月。

compare to last year this time... i think im in alot better condition.. (yah..more healthy too!) no family mess.. no friend mess.. no crying everyday... and no more being cheated & lied every single day with full of bullshits and talk-way-through-crap...

i dun think ive never been hurted by anyone as much as last yr and i hope i never will be. and i dun think i can ever love/trust anyone the way how i used to be.. ill always be afraid to see someone deeply.. ill always be scared of the time ill get betrayed. more than happiness, scared of being left behind, scared of being used, scared of getting hurt. how sad is dat? you love someone, but cant believe in her/him.. dont know wats going on in her/his mind.. i just forgot how to believe in someone. i never knew.. it takes this long to forget how you got hurt.. its always has been some i trusted and believed in that hurted me the most.. coz u care for them and they use ur caring, when they dont need u, then theyll just walk away from you.

all ive been wishing for was to trust someone once again. someone i can open my heart to. someone i can show all of myself to. someone that can heal my past wound. someone that i know will never chose to leave me. someone that i can forget abt being scared to love or trust.

now im gaining bak the confidence of myself trusting a friend. a good friend.. best friend, best cousemate buddy, my twin sister & my savior. its quite true, friendship doesnt change if its real.. whereas relationship changes. no matter how stupid or crazy or risky it is, friends can always be unrealistic and support each other. friends can understand when you talk, friends can be there for you when you need someone, friends are always the first to rely on.

i treasure every thing god has been giving me back.. yes, all the suffering last year has made me a bit stronger and weaker at same time.. but he knew i can live through that path he chose for me to take, he gave me a challenging path to make me learn something from the pain.. so, im realli happy now.. with particular someone i really like and care always being there for me... with crazy 2 housemates that brightens my days at home.. and with understanding friends always around me.. with best coursemates who we are surviving together (8am-5pm class!!)... :)














i wont ask for more..

i just want this to not get destroyed..


i dont want anyone leaving from my life anymore...
god bless.